dreadfulbeauties

[fic] he hit me (it felt like a kiss)

Sat, 07 Mar 2026 04:05:11 GMT

title: he hit me (it felt like a kiss)
rating: m
pairing: joe/shizuko (black river 1957)
warnings: non-graphic rape, domestic abuse
word count: 267

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february 2026 reading log

Wed, 04 Mar 2026 07:41:59 GMT

hello, everyone! since i promised this would be a place where i post about the stuff i'm reading, i decided to deliver. with it being quite late (nearly 2 in the morning in my timezone) maybe i should wait till tomorrow to do this, but... meh. i'm in a bad mood and maybe discussing the stuff i've read will bring me comfort.
rashōmon and 17 other stories by ryunosuke akutagawa: 4/5. i really, really enjoyed this collection! akutagawa's prose flows as smoothly as i remember it, and there were some in this collection i hadn't properly read before—so that was quite a treat! all that aside, while i think a lot of the first handful of stories were really good, the last few sort of petered out for me and lost their steam. the writing was good, but the stories didn't grip me.

(i'm a little peeved because i dropped my copy of the book on a wet sidewalk right after a rainstorm and got it all dirty on the way to an event... wehhh. it's still salvageable, but i would prefer those pages to be clean!)

let's break down a few of those stories i found the most memorable, shall we?

hell screen

i'm biased, and this is my favorite akutagawa story of all time (this, of course, is hardly a shock - seeing as i'm a ryōshū lover with limbus company!). i love yoshihide, he's such a deliciously complicated character, and his bond with his daughter is perhaps one of my favorite platonic pairs in all of fiction.

i think, though, upon revisiting it, that one of the things i didn't really pick up on is the fact that the story explicitly highlights how miserable the daughter is in the lord's service - at least during the duration of her father painting the hell screen? either she's really homesick and misses yoshihide, she's genuinely scared and conflicted to the point of tears regarding the lord's unnamed advances on her... or both. i pick both, but the narrator won't go into that!

honestly, i sort of ended up despising the narrator during this reread. to be perfectly clear, the lord's actions are much more overtly awful—i won't deny that. but i think that with the narrator, why i hate him is because we tend to know people like him. we know people who play kiss-ass to their shitty superiors or one of our "mutual" friends, trying so hard to portray them in the best possible light.

in a grove

this was... really interesting. i imagine that the hardcore akutagawa stans, if they're out there, are probably booing me for having seen kurosawa's rashōmon before reading this story. listen. i am a simple person. if it has toshiro mifune's bare thighs, i will watch it. i am not immune, unfortunately.

what i found really interesting is how we covered a lot more ground with the testimonies—while we do have the core three who were directly involved (tajōmaru, masago, and takehiro) we also have several more. the priest and woodcutter are not directly involved but we see their testimonies, as well as that of masago's mother (among others).

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it's also interesting to me how the samurai's testimony felt the most plausible? this isn't me trying to claim he was being wholly honest, rather it read like he wouldn't have had a good reason to lie—he's dead. overall, i like the ambiguousness and unsettling lack of closure we're left with by the end.

the nose

i was honestly surprised that this one ended as optimistically as it did? with the themes of loving your physical features simply as they are, and that to change them can hurt you both literally and figuratively. didn't know you had that in you, akutagawa.

the spider's thread

...yes, i had akatsuki records' HELLOHELL playing in my head as i read this. it's good. i'm getting tired. i'll write a more detailed analysis of this later, maybe.

bleehhh, i still feel off. i think i might just pick up my copy of "the haunting of hill house" and read that till i fall asleep. lucia out!

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[fic] story carries on, lonely, lost inside

Wed, 04 Mar 2026 06:46:42 GMT

title: story carries on, lonely, lost inside
pairing: one-sided rien/shiomi yoru
prompt: "empty" (from a list of various otp prompts)
rating: t
warnings: implied child abuse, child death
word count: 1,132
ao3

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[fic] empty

Tue, 10 Feb 2026 05:13:05 GMT

title: empty
pairing: ludwig the holy blade/laurence the first vicar
prompt: "empty" (from a list of various otp prompts)
rating: t
warnings: n/a
word count: 100

There is no wine in left in my cup.

We eroded away our immunity and you quietly watched—there were more obvious beasts for you to flay under steel, after all. I walked into your trap as your captivated heart. But the poison of the Old Blood has made my skin crumble away.

I will become that which you hunt, Sir Ludwig. There is an emptiness when you kiss me or pin me down—a hollowness waiting to be made whole again, a taxidermy deer scooped of its guts.

Tear me open, I beg. Cleave this half moon in two.

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MUGEN

Tue, 10 Feb 2026 02:50:12 GMT

there’s no bird in the cage.
cinder and ash
stain bars made of gold.
not even the bones are left.

it’s your fault she’s gone.
you won’t find her behind you.
the hand in the cradle is only bone.

maybe this time
if you hold her a little tighter
the flames will not kiss her so.
maybe this time
if you work a little harder
she’ll unfasten the cage’s door.

but love could never save her.
it would only leave smoke
rasping from her lungs.

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about me!

Tue, 10 Feb 2026 02:41:09 GMT

lucia | 20+ | she/they
tumblr | ao3 | pillowfort

sholem aleykhem, and welcome to my dreamwidth! with the direction the internet is headed towards, i figured setting myself up here would be in order. consider this the "bonus material" version of wherever else you'll find me on the web.

i write and draw. on top of crossposting my fanworks and original works here (i'm very multifandom... too many fandoms to tag, haha - rena ryuuguu is very dear to me as an autistic person with a history of trust issues, though!), you'll also be sure to find analyses on my own work, discussions and reviews of books i like, and plenty of toshiro mifune thirst. lots of it.

as far as personality goes, i'd say i'm a very opinionated person. this has its benefits, as well as its downsides. i stick to my gut instinct when it comes to matters online and in real life. while i'm headstrong and a little stubborn, i also like to think of myself as someone who loves to learn. i love to learn from the books i read, and i love to learn when it comes to my craft. that said, i do love talking to people and making friends! i promise, you can stick your hands between the bars of my enclosure.

fair warning: while i DO indulge in lighthearted stuff, some of my art and writing will cover sensitive material that would be considered taboo in real life. sometimes i'll handle this topic more delicately, other times the tone will come off as more gratuitous. that said, i'll be sure to label everything as comprehensively as possible. my primary goal when it comes to sharing any of my work on the internet is ensuring that it is the best it can possibly be.

i also complain. kvetch, even. a lot. so that's why i might keep some of my journal entries locked to friends only! i think curation is important when it comes to online experience, so when it comes to matters that could result in fanwank if unchecked or even if i need to gripe about my personal life i'd rather ensure that only those close to me be allowed to see it.

thank you for stopping by here! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ may you enjoy your stay.

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